Mace
by jane0904
Summary: Just a little ficlet for a friend!  Post-BDM, totally canon, no OCs so everyone can read it.  Jayne has had a slight accident, and someone offers to take care of him.  Read, enjoy, review!


"Sit still."

"I'm tryin'."

"You're not trying. You're ... wriggling."

"Yeah, well, you didn't get it in your eyes and up your ... ow!"

"Don't be such a baby."

"It gorram stings!"

"It's meant to. That's what it's for."

"It's all your sister's fault."

"How can it possibly be anything to do with River?"

"She was the one playing catch with one of those _niou se_ canisters in the bay. Tossed it at me."

"And you didn't duck?"

"I caught the damn thing only it went off. Musta been a faulty safety."

"Then I'm sorry, Jayne, but I'm glad it was you who caught the brunt of it and not River."

Jayne growled deep in his throat.

"How is he?" Mal leaned into the infirmary, looking from his ex-mercenary to his doctor.

"I've cleaned out his eyes," Simon said, shining a light into those sometime blue, now very much reddened orbs. "He took a full dose, so it's going to be a while before he can see properly again."

"I'm blind?" Jayne couldn't have sounded much more panicked.

"No," Simon assured him quickly, a hand on the big man's shoulder. "It's entirely temporary."

"Better be." He winced again. "Nice cargo you got us, Cap," he groused.

Mal shrugged. "We needed the cashey-money."

"That much?"

"You want to eat?"

"'Casionally."

"Then we needed the job." Mal's tone softened. "Didn't anticipate this particular batch of Alliance pacifiers to be quite so ... precipitous."

"Precipitous?" Simon raised an eyebrow in query.

"I checked it personally and it looks like we got a faulty batch. Far as I can see anyone handling one of the containers would've been in danger of it going off afore time." He chuckled briefly. "And don't worry – I'll be having words with Badger."

"Long as I'm around to see it." Jayne put a lot of emphasis on 'see', although neither man listening was in any doubt that 'seeing' was the last thing he wanted to do the self-proclaimed King of Persephone.

"You will," Simon said, swiping a last wad of decontaminant across his patient's slightly burned skin.

"Promise?"

"I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true."

"Hmmn." Jayne knew about bedside manners, even if he had none himself.

Mal leaned on the counter, his arms crossed. "Kaylee's making sure the rest of 'em are all secure, but I'm thinking we should maybe put 'em into the airlock, just in case."

Simon's hand jumped. "Kaylee?" It had only been seven months since Miranda, less since he'd first taken the young mechanic into his bed – although technically it was probably the other way around – so it was acceptable that Simon sounded more than a little concerned. "Is that a good idea?"

"She knows what she's doing. And she's wearing a decon suit." Mal straightened up. "We wouldn't want any of that stuff leaking into the atmo, would we? Not with Zoe in her condition."

"No, no, I understand that." Simon looked past him into the common area where the Firefly's first mate was sitting, her hand absently stroking the swollen mound at her waist as she read a cheap novel she'd picked up at their last stop, the same skyplex where they'd collected their cargo. "Speaking of which, it would probably be a good idea if I run some tests, make sure it didn't get into the life support system."

"Good thinking, doc," Mal said approvingly. "Albatross isolated the bay soon as she realised what had happened, but it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Is she all right?" Jayne asked before he could stop himself.

"Who, River?"

The big man was glad his face was already puce from the mace – if he'd blushed he would never have lived it down. "Just wondering, is all."

"She's fine," Simon said. "I checked her over first."

"First?" Jayne managed to sound annoyed. "You could see I was in a worse way, and you looked to her first?" He could remember rolling on the deck, trying hard not to scream because it would draw the mace into his lungs, but it ruttin' _burned_.

"She was easier to deal with, and I knew I needed time to sort you out."

Mal tried to hide the smile, knowing that Jayne was missing the good doctor looking about as embarrassed as he ever did. Still, it was to be expected. River was his sister, after all, and he'd gone through so much, lost everything just to make sure she was safe. Of course, he'd found something else, something better, but that was never going to change the fact that he wanted to look after her. "Jayne, you ain't gonna win this one." A thought occurred to him. "You know, there was a feller I knew once used to suck up one of those pacifier things for breakfast each morning. He said it cleaned out his sinuses."

Simon was sincerely interested, as well as glad of the change of subject. "Really?"

"A'course, he was crazy. And he kinda had no sense of smell or taste left."

"No, that would do it."

The ex-merc grumbled under his breath, then flinched as he felt something placed over his eyes. "What're you doing?"

"You need to give your eyes time to recover," Simon said, taping down the gauze pads. "You should be fine in twenty-four hours, but until then –"

"Twenty-four ..." Jayne tossed away the hands he could feel around his face and got to his feet. "You tellin' me I ain't gonna be able to see for a full ruttin' day?"

"If you don't want to end up with double vision or inability to judge distances for the rest of your life, yes."

"Double vision?"

"Or worse."

Mal was silently impressed. Even unable to see Jayne was pretty impressive, looming over the younger man, yet Simon hadn't even stepped back. Besides, they'd all been around two months before when the crew had been caught in a bar fight on Ezra, and all the lights had gone out. When the illuminations came back on, Jayne had been standing in the middle of a ring of downed men, some of them still groaning, and more than one bleeding from various wounds.

Back in the infirmary there was a long moment where things hung on a knife edge, then Jayne sat back down.

"Then I guess I can wait that long," he conceded. "Still got a job to get done."

"You'll be fine well before we land on Lilac," Simon said.

"How'm I supposed to get around 'til these come off?" Jayne asked, gesturing towards the pads.

"I'll do it."

They all looked around towards the doorway – well, two of them looked while the third just turned his head towards the female voice.

"River?" Simon asked. "What are you suggesting?"

The young psychic was standing just outside the cool blue room – things were better for her since Miranda, but she couldn't bring herself to enter the infirmary unless she really needed to – and she was smiling sweetly.

"I can lead him wherever he wants to go," she explained, swinging slightly from side to side. "I feel ... responsible."

"'Tross, that ain't necessary," Mal said. "I'm sure he can find his own way about. It ain't like it's that big a boat."

"I don't mind." She turned her huge dark eyes on him. "It would give me something to do."

"Uh, Mal, I don't think that's such a good idea," Jayne said, trying to hitch further back onto the medbed.

Mal glanced at Simon, seeing pretty much the same expression he knew was on his own face reflected back at him. It said _this could be fun, seeing River torture Jayne_.

"I don't know ..." Simon said, trying not to make it seem too easy.

"It'd be pretty boring," Mal pointed out.

"I don't mind," River said again, twirling a tress of her long hair around her finger. "I can fit it in around flying Serenity."

"Well ..." Mal pretended to consider, then said, "Jayne, looks like you've got yourself your very own human guide dog."

"Mal ..." Jayne whined.

"And play nice," Mal added.

"It ain't me you need to worry about." Jayne shuddered.

Simon suppressed a chuckle. "I just need to take some blood, make sure the mace didn't leave any nasty surprises."

"Thanks, doc," Mal said, stepping out of the infirmary, turning his gaze on River. "And you ... don't be too hard on him."

"I promise." She crossed her heart with a single finger.

"Right." Mal grinned, then headed up the back stairs to check on the bridge. With maybe a side trip to the kitchen where Inara was making tea.

Zoe put her book down on the sofa next to her and clasped her hands protectively on her swollen stomach, her grief-fuelled stoicism cracking, just a little.

"Did you do that on purpose, little one?" she asked quietly, smiling at River.

The young woman crossed the common area to stand in front of her. "The mace? No. I wouldn't."

"I was thinking more of lying to your brother."

River's eyes opened wider. "Lying?"

"I saw you in the cargo bay. Before the ... uh ... incident."

"Oh."

"And Mal ain't gonna like it when he finds out you were led astray."

"I was the one doing the leading."

"Yeah. I saw." She levered herself up until she was on her feet. "Just you be careful. He finds out you were kissing Jayne and he's not going to be the only one you'll need to worry about."

"It was just a kiss."

"I believe you. But Jayne's old enough to be your father."

"And I'm old enough to choose."

"That you are," Zoe agreed, patting her unborn child. "And I'm not going to be the one to tell you he's not right for you – that would make me a hypocrite."

"Wash loved you," River said, barely audible.

"I know." The dark Amazon smiled. "Just take it slowly. And remember, when your brother finds out, I can't move that fast to protect you."

River laughed, the sound filling the ship, and in the infirmary Simon wondered at the smile that flitted across a certain ex-mercenary's face.

* * *

**A.N.:** By the way, I should just say this is for Cartographical from a conversation we had yesterday ... Carto, I hope you like it!


End file.
